In the Middle

Maintaining balance between the spiritual and the material

Jul 03, 2025

“The height of the mountaintop is measured by the dismal drudgery of the valley, but it is in the valley that we have to live for the glory of God. We see His glory on the mountain, but we never live for His glory there.” - Oswald Chambers1

I have been on a spiritual quest for decades. It started in my university eastern philosophy class, where I was introduced to Zen Buddhism, and I have since travelled down many paths in search of healing and purpose, though I’ve only more recently understood that was my motivation. From kundalini yoga/Sikhism, to New Age, to even investigating Islam before committing to Christ, I have traversed many avenues in search of a better world, or at least worldview.

So when I found Alcoholics Anonymous, I felt immediate relief. Here was a group who were dedicating themselves daily to becoming better people, who found a spiritual solution to their problem of being “restless, irritable and discontented.”2 Even though it took me a couple of years to achieve long-term sobriety and eventually have a psychic change,3 I took to the Steps and the meetings like a dry sponge to water. Being in A.A. was the most natural thing I could do, and is why I was able to stay through the many ups and downs I experienced in my first decade there as a direct result of being in a society of various different people while I worked through my own shortcomings.4

I owe a great debt to Alcoholics Anonymous, and that is I think the greatest reason I don’t pick up a drink today. I want to give back and I can’t give back in that capacity if I’m drinking. The fruits of my labour are a good job, a loving relationship, regular contact with my family, and a sincere desire to know and help people. I have balance and purpose today. Everything I was seeking, I found in a program with no leaders, no fees, no dogma. Instead, we inspire each other, and we maintain the spirit of the program through a visceral checks and balances that happens naturally. It’s a true democracy where every voice matters, and our purpose is rooted in love and service.5

I have become a sincerely happy person since being in this fellowship. And while I still have days where I do feel consumed by the grief that trauma has left in its wake, I no longer fall into the crippling despondency that I used to before entering A.A. Rather, I can honour it and give it the space it needs to be heard and recognized, which I believe helps it heal more and more each time. I have a real relationship with God now, the kind that I was seeking out through various other means in the past; it is so solid that I could even lean on it when my father passed away.

The result of this freedom has been to live in true joy, to be able to tend to my needs, and to still have the energy and strength left over to minister to others. Last night we read that God wants our head in the clouds with him, but our feet firmly planted on the earth, with our fellow travellers.6 Today I know this is where the work is, and I practice meditation to help me balance both of these realities. I meditate to fill myself back up so that I do not become influenced by the negative forces in the world, and so that I can also remain centred in compassion and empathy, where I can be of the most service.

Being free from addiction and its horsemen - terror, bewilderment, frustration and despair,7 has allowed me a life of innocence8 which I have achieved through honesty, openness, and amends, all empowered through God whom I am now convinced wants me to a returned state of peace and serenity which I felt before the buildup of pain and fear that paralyzed me.

There is a lot of pressure in this world to conform to it, and I have felt over the years a tug that I should feel guilty for being happy in a broken world. However through my own brokenness and subsequent recovery, I have discovered that so long as we breathe, there is hope.9 Through my program I have been able to resist the heavy energy that would otherwise weigh me down and strip me of my agency, wanting me to feel helpless in a world overrun by corrupted leadership and social media chaos. I don’t want what this world offers: I want something greater,10 and I believe that we can all change and then effect change outwards once we set our minds to it.

I have achieved what I have been looking for, but it is nevertheless a daily reprieve to maintain my spiritual condition.11 The good news is that it is not only easy work, it’s pleasurable.12 Having balance and a sound mind has enabled me to rekindle the fire within and retrieve the creative, smart, competent, and confident part of myself that the harshness of this world told me didn’t belong. I’m a work in progress,13 but lightheartedness has returned. On the days when I am not feeling so good, I can pause, and in that rest, remember what is within my control, and what isn’t.14

Today I can use my rational and emotional brain to collect information, visualize, and develop. I aspire for equilibrium in everything I do, and I am kind to myself when I fall short; this in turn allows me to extend that same kindness to others when I might be feeling frustrated or wanting to take my will back. In the end, kindness is cultivated through intentional living, and in that, mountains can move so the valleys appear less wide and overwhelming.