In Step One in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions1, we talk about needing to help others in order to stay alive ourselves. That we would never take the time to pass along the message of recovery, if our sobriety and wellbeing was not contingent on it. It took me a very long time to integrate this teaching. I couldn’t accept that the pain of my lost moments and missed opportunities throughout my life could be lulled by helping someone through telling my story and supporting them in their recovery. I felt bitterness that so much potential was ripped from me because of my disease, and I couldn’t get onboard that helping someone else would give me satisfaction and purpose, especially with a lot of that good work being done in meetings, which are not always easy to get to amidst life responsibilities.
But those life responsibilities are a direct gift of my recovery, of being able to get sober and hold down a (good) job and have a (loving) relationship. So much of approaching life is perspective, and I love the playful phrase Attitude Adjustment for our recovery program, because at its core, that’s exactly what it is - learning to live life on life’s terms, and even with a sense of gratitude.
While it took me a while to want to pass the message along to the next suffering alcoholic, and while so much of my work is still very self-focused, processing my own grief and challenges of daily living, even apart from how I can help alleviate the pain of someone else, I have reached a pinnacle point in recovery, where I can start to appreciate where I have come from. With this recognition, I feel I can now give from a filled cup.
In recovery, we re-cover what we lost. And while I could see that I am not just recovered, because I am better than I was, now being equipped with patience, kindness, and understanding - traits that I developed through recovery that I might not have had without the painful experiences that led to it, I was still not fully accepting my life as it had been. I was still feeling resentment, regret, and self-pity.
Through my new spiritual experience where I got to fully discern the sacredness of life, I am no longer identifying with those negative emotions. I have made the long journey from my head to my heart, and see that I am now resurrected. I have come to understand what true joy means - it is a peace that surpasses all understanding2, and a confidence that is born through steadfastness in conviction and action.
Now it is a pleasure to sit in a meeting and/or pass my message of recovery along, whether that is directly sharing my experience, strength and hope, or if it’s being a silent encourager, resting with those in pain and holding space for that heartache. Life is a lot more simple now; I keep putting one foot in front of the other as I did before, but now I see the opportunity that I believed was gone forever in every place I walk toward, and with that new hope comes an abundance that I can freely give from3.
Philippians 4.7
Matthew 10.8