Glory in the Grit
Making room for wonder, even in the ordinary
As I arrived at the train parking lot after a nice four day long weekend, not running late but not as early as I’d like, I realized that part of the problem with feeling like I’m not thriving is that I have been viewing others as a nuance or a threat, instead of as people who I might actually relate to and get along with.
People butting in front of me, parking too close so they have more room to get out, but then I don’t, or just the general busyness in commuting, agitates me to the point that I go into survival mode, ready for fight or flight. As I reached for the door handle, I braced myself, expecting the day's first offense to find me soon.
But, by the grace of God, I remembered how lovely it was to have several days off. Instead of feeling sadness for that time being over, I felt inspired to keep that serenity flowing through me. And because I wasn’t rushing as much, I had a moment to pause, and remember better days when I didn’t feel so squeezed, and when a stranger was just a friend I hadn’t met yet.1
Now granted, when I had this more laissez-faire attitude in the past, I didn’t have the financial responsibilities I have now, nor was I spending 10+ hours a day on work, but I have been determined to recapture some of the spirit that I had when I was perhaps a little more naive. Because even though I have more responsibilities today, I also have a lot more assets to go along with that. Notwithstanding the material comforts that I have acquired, I also have confidence, boundaries, and a sense of purpose that I perhaps didn’t have when I was more so going through life rather haphazardly.
There are moments of heighten arousal where I cannot practice gratitude, but those times are far and few between, and I am learning to lay it at the foot of the Cross on those trying days. This is to say that I believe gratitude is the key to feeling a sense of openness that I have been really missing. “This is the day the Lord has made: let us rejoice and be glad.”2
The redeemed Christian heart doesn’t need to have its ducks in a row to be happy - they can be filled up and be a blessing to others in any situation. With Christ empowering me to act in agape love3, I can shift my perspective and see people as they really are: children of God.
It hasn’t been easy to adjust to a 9-5 lifestyle. The romantic, creative, mystic in me revolts at the rigidity and uniformity of this world, but I can see where God still shows up, and where ministry is desperately needed. There is a woman I pass often who blesses everyone she meets, and she is my inspiration when I think that the hardness of work has filed me down. It is possible to have the best of both worlds, the idealistic version and the everyday mundane, coexisting harmoniously in order to showcase what God can really do in our lives, and I am committed to striking that balance.
William Butler Yeats
Psalm 118.24
Sacrificial love