I've been reflecting upon the year as we come to a close. This entire year has been pretty impactful. I quit caffeine almost 10 months ago, I joined some community efforts which increased my confidence and sense of belonging, and we had a loss in the family, which caused me to once again assess my priorities. Upon my reflections, I've noticed that this last quarter has shown to be particularly alchemic. I reached a point of, in a way, coming to the end of myself; I realized that I need an overhaul in my emotional wellbeing if I am going to really move forward in my recovery as well as my aspiration for a long and healthy life.
I needed a break. I needed a break from all of the messaging that I ingest over a day. The evangelists who inherently make me feel like I am wrong, the YouTube shorts that zone me out to the point I've missed my train stop in the past, the coaches who ever so subtly direct me away from my truth of needing to be open and humble in order to maximize my ability to connect with others...I realized that I needed to get honest about my feelings, and my feelings were that I'm just not feeling it.
In a way, I unplugged. I took my earbuds out, closed my eyes, and experimented with my natural thoughts. The songs that play on repeat in my mind, oftentimes catered to emotionally charged moments in a given day entertain me, and they are more meaningful. I see the poetry in life better: the little acts of kindness we show each other, the lyrics to songs I didn't listen to because I was using their accompanying music to drown out the world instead of compliment it. I realized that resting allowed me to participate more fully, when the time came for it: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens"1.
I think there's a common fear of taking a step back. FOMO2 is a powerful phenomenon that I only recently realized I suffered from. I had to concede to my innermost self that I go against my best interests a lot of the time, in order to not feel like I am missing out. In a way I betrayed my peace of mind and even my physical health by falling victim to FOMO, whether in the material social sense, or even in the spiritual religious sense.
What I've discovered is that I need to be mindful in my daily intentions. Getting older in a digital age means that time goes by very quickly. If I don't map out my day, I enter a sort of time warp where I seem to lose hours. This affects my overall health, because what ends up getting cut in that lost time are my self-care practices. When I sacrifice the practices that increase my capacity for resiliency to instead get that quick fix of dopamine from whatever modern form that might be, my values of authentic and holistic living get compromised. True health is passing through the narrow gate3: this is where I can extend my longevity.
I'm learning that this world doesn't really have my best interests in mind. The powers that be are self-serving, and for someone to rise to the top in this world, people usually get stepped on. Corruption and greed run rife, and it can be discouraging during seasons of overwhelm. Bringing it back to the basics helps me manage the fall out of this fallen state, and it's the general basics that ultimately give me the capacity to show up wholeheartedly, despite the heartache in our communities, both near and far.
The human condition wants to connect, and in that innate drive, we can easily be led astray4. In order to stand firm5 in my rights and responsibilities, it's important to carve out that time each and every day to nourish myself, so that I can be filled up with what helps me feel peaceful in an oftentimes unsettling world. It's easy to get swept up in the chaos, but my boundaries continue to evolve, and keep me grounded as I move further into the world that can so oftentimes destabilize me.
Knowing my place and approaching each day with grace and humility allows me to foster that connection, while also preventing burnout from being in a world built on broken systems. Being able to take a step back and take that time to breathe deeply helps me to recentre. At the core of authentic healing is getting honest with what is within my role, which involves admitting where I need support. Pulling back paradoxically increases my capacity to respond the way I want, achieving the outcomes that I am looking for.
Ecclesiastes 3.1-8
The Fear of Missing Out
Matthew 7.13-14
Mark 6:34
Ephesians 6.13