I am in my fifth week of being caffeine-free, and it’s starting to feel better. Something interesting that has transpired, which I wasn’t expecting, is my tendency to people-please has just about entirely dissipated. Now that my mood is not being elevated by caffeine, I don’t have the highs that I once had. Because I was constantly caffeinated, I interpreted those highs to be what I am supposed to feel, always, so I would emote energy or happiness, even when I didn’t truly feel that way.
I am learning that I can just sit and be, and not need to be extra on top of that. Part of my people-pleasing meant that I felt responsible for other people’s happiness as well, so I was on high-alert, ready to be a “ray of sunshine” or a vessel of hope when I suspected someone was down. When I detoxed from coffee, I did not have the capacity to show up that way for others, and in that experience I learned that, I don’t have to be.
I wasn’t expecting to heal in this way by cutting out caffeine, but upon reflection, it does make sense. Ingesting caffeine activated my nervous system, and in that aroused state, when I wasn’t in fight, flight, or freeze, I was fawning.
I am still in recovery from caffeine withdrawal, but being able to celebrate this major win has motivated me and inspired me not only to keep going, but to keep an open mind of the possibilities that await me, as I continue living my best, integrated life.