I had some extra vacation time that had carried over from last year, and I took last week off. Halfway through my vacation, I decided to quit drinking coffee, and it has been a wild ride of painful detoxification from the caffeine. I had accepted that I used coffee to feel more alert, happy, and purposeful, and I watched a great Infographics show on what to expect in the first few weeks of being off caffeine, so I felt relatively prepared. What I discovered is that there is no real preparation that can be made, other than having a few days where I could just be in bed, with no commitments looming over me.
What transpired for me were full-out flu-like symptoms: chills, migraine headaches, nausea, and extreme fatigue. But as promised, I did start to feel relatively back to normal after a few days, and now on my fourth day of no caffeine, I can see how the emotional component of not drinking coffee is starting to set in. I did struggle waking up this morning, because I felt unsure how I was going to fill my time. But once I thought of something that I wanted to work on, I was able to get out of bed, and feel better about starting my day.
What I have noticed this morning in not drinking coffee, is that time seems to go a bit slower, or maybe more accurately put, I have more time. I realized how in a way, drinking coffee made me feel important. It brought about a sensation of urgency, which combined with alertness, provided a feeling of “getting it done”. Truthfully, though, I haven’t done any less this morning than I did last Sunday morning with a cup of coffee.
What was noticeably different, however, was a perceived crossroads, where I can practice gratitude, or self-pity. As I observed my lovely cat licking her paw, looking out the window, I saw a peaceful scene, which I found reprieve in. As I pushed back uncomfortable thoughts of how I will enjoy my morning without coffee, I saw nature at its finest. A happy cat with met needs, viewing the outdoors from her safe perch. I realized that this is the second experience I have had in my caffeine-free journey, where life slowed down and felt simpler, more manageable.
I could have gone down the other path of self-pity, relating to this simple, slower realm where I am not “important”. But the truth is, once the acute physical symptoms of the detox were gone, which for me was day three, I still had the ability to read, write, engage, do chores, even run some errands, and all with a feeling of equilibrium and consistent mood. Coffee put me into a state of fight or flight, where I mistook the rush to be the same as being puffed up in self-importance. I’m becoming more aware now that there is work to be done in coming to terms with the slow living that I’ve paradoxically been aspiring for.
Being simple is great, until my ego is, for whatever reason, challenged. Living caffeine-free has brought about a simplicity that I wasn’t expecting, but that is quite nice. Watching my cat just be a cat this morning helped me see how much pressure I put on myself to perform. I am now challenging that internal belief, and am looking forward to seeing how slowing down will materialize in my life.