I started a new trial of Apple Music, and in my exploration of the app, I opened up the 90's alternative playlist. I got immediately triggered, but in my growth, decided to get curious about what was so instigating to me.
And in that investigation, I realized that I wasn't actually upset, in fact, my feelings were more positive, because I was missing that time. Maybe it's my recovery journey, or maybe it's a recent birthday, further solidifying my midlife era, but lately I've been far more fondly looking back on my youth and young adult years, remembering that time with far more love and compassion.
Something that struck me as I was reviewing the app was seeing a song I loved in the early 90's when I was prepubescent (a child, really), and then another song that I loved when I was in university (when I thought I was all grown up). I was in absolute shock to see that these songs were from the same decade.
Time moving fast has taken on a whole new meaning in this moment, and as I objectively look at my life up until this point, I can finally release the hurt feelings that kept me feeling small, isolated, and embarrassed. I magically can see now that we are all truly in this together. This is life on earth, with all its ups and downs.
True to the Eastertide spirit, there is always hope for redemption, for resurrection. While I might no longer feel close to those earlier years, I can't help but think there is still love holding space for me there, in that time. Today I can look back on my past with gratitude, and not contempt. I honour my experiences and I stop comparing my insides to what I see from others on the outside.
I want to practice appreciation in my days. As I go through my hours with more intentionality and deeper breathing, I give thanks for where I am now, and how that pivotal decade helped shape me into someone who I can feel good about today.