Let That Go
I'm learning that I don't need to control things in order to feel okay
There are some days where I simply feel injured. Sometimes I don’t have a set reason for it, and other times I might be tired, hormonal, or it might just even be the weather. (That one really bothers me, since I still feel indoctrinated from my early kundalini yoga days where we were taught we could control the weather).
The days where I feel wounded are the days where I must work the hardest to resist the impulse to control everything, because those are the times where I feel very insecure, and my ego needs validation. I am grateful to have learnt that I don’t need to control my environment in order to feel important.
Letting other people do a good job, letting myself move into the background, is hard on days where I feel insecure, but I’ve realized those are actually the times where I need to take it easy the most - not force myself into action. It was in those moments where I thought I had to compensate for whatever hurt feelings I would be processing, but I have realized that’s acting counter-intuitively.
Therefore, it’s in those moments where I need to be the most mindful. I remind myself that I don’t have to do it all: I don’t have to be a superhero to be loved or wanted. This is where the work is, and I am finding that I can pause and find relief in being gentle with myself.