Grace and Gratitude
Keeping my side of the street clean helps me stay out of unwanted dramas
In support of the ten year anniversary celebration of my partner’s Meetup group, I found myself in a famous pub in the heart of the city, the day after St. Patrick’s Day.
As someone coming up to 10 years of sobriety near the end of this year, being in a pub of this stature is not too friendly for me. But because my psychic change has resulted in a new heart of service, it was totally okay. I enjoyed pop, food, and coffee, and I could appreciate the heritage of the venue.
Close to where our party was gathered was a group of I’m guessing co-ed students from the university near by, all dressed up in that non-dressed up way that post-pandemic fashion has managed to pull off, all wearing expensive pieces in various shades of green from a palette I’m not even familiar with. I was impressed not only with this possibly best looking group of people I’ve ever seen that I thought was only in movies, but moreso, I was impressed with my own non-reaction.
Not only did I not feel jealous of them or feel sorry for myself, which is historically my go-to range of emotions when believing I’ve been upstaged by people “better than me”, I actually felt comfortable in my non-trendy outfit, which I had topped off with my grandmother’s jewellery.
In learning that I can be accountable only for myself, I have found that same self-care trickles down into other aspects of my life. So long as I am taking care of myself, so long as I am proud of my own actions, so long as I am ensuring my own needs are being met, I don’t worry about what other people around me are doing, or what they have that I perceive myself to not have.
I can be at a bar in recovery; I can see young, popular, well-off people, and not get triggered; I can support my partner by being a positive presence at an important event that doesn’t necessarily resonate with me; I can feel good about where I am, all because I know how to clean my side of the street today, and in remembering to ask my higher power for the help to live out my days in grace and gratitude.