As I develop my relationship with God and my understanding of who he is, I was able to reach a point for a glorious couple of weeks, when I really felt no fear. For the first time in my life, I felt courageous. I truly believed what I heard from the evangelists, through the direct teachings of Jesus: that God is a loving Father who wants to give me only good things.
I felt not only supported, but utterly encouraged; it was like the road was rolled out before me, paved in gold. But this bravery was quickly overcome by worldly clamour, leaving me wondering what I did wrong to so readily become doubtful and apprehensive once again.
Throughout this experience, I believe a reason why I got to achieve that level of peace and confidence, is because of the time I put in to know my God, and to truly understand his traits, so that I could get in right relationship with him. It has not yet been determined if I fell out of right relationship, or if I am simply adjusting to a new life of bravery, but what I do feel encouraged about, is the willingness to keep moving forward, and to apply my faith in new ways that I have not yet before.
I believe in a rational God that can absolutely appeal to the intellect and even be proven. As I embark upon a new path of intentionally and confidently approaching God in all of my dealings, I am excited to continue to be a mouthpiece for him, and to live in his truth and light. Faith without works is dead does not mean that I have to work for God's love, but rather that I want to make the effort to, through my faith, take the resources I have to really understand how to make this faith work in my life.