Easy Does It

Establishing new boundaries helps me navigate low energy and minimal time

I’ve recently concluded that all I can really do is try to have a good day. I suppose we might have different versions of what that might look like. For me it’s to show up (on time) to be helpful, to connect with others in a meaningful way, and to give thanks to my higher power at night.

I’m struggling to do too many things. I’ve realized that ultimately, being up-to-date in current events and having empathy for and understanding in those events, having a 7/7 meditation schedule, participating in the extracurriculars I want, all need to pause when I feel overwhelmed. I’m at a point in my life where I need to simply be grateful for what I do have, and to respect when I need to take it easy, instead of striving for more. And on top of all that acceptance, to not feel guilty about it.

I have conceded that until we all come to a place of willingness to heal, I will be fighting a losing battle, because the only way to come out the other side of all of our crises truly, is for everyone to be free of the trauma that commits us to hurting ourselves and others. I’ve therefore decided that my time and efforts are best spent at an even more grassroots level, where word of literal mouth is truly the most effective way to bring about change.

This decision has come from my new belief that ultimately, we all struggle to the point that no one modality, if any, can truly get the the bottom of our collective trauma. But trauma work requires so much accountability and vulnerability, that it isn’t even realistic for me to think that this will ever really happen on this plane. So in a way, my new attitude is really a surrender to my actual inability to work myself into happiness, or to inspire others to follow my example.

The Apostles healed by the laying on of hands. They edified with text, but they ultimately made lasting change through the direct interaction with others. I’ve realized through my own healing journey that we all just want to feel seen, heard, and loved. That’s it. When those needs are met, we can move mountains.

I’ve spent so much time just plowing through, denying my feelings and my needs in fear of making other people feel uncomfortable, or of being harshly judged. Ultimately, I don’t need to be perfect. I don’t need to have all my ducks in a row. I just need to show up. Consistently. That brings me just as much confidence and satisfaction as being “good” at something, because I’ve discovered that being reliable is being good at something!

I’ve tried so hard to have my own “thing”, to feel unique. I’ve always had the impulse to compensate for a perceived lack. In recovery, I can see how simply being a thoughtful and conscientious person is a “thing”. I’ve focused so much on the outside, and hating myself when I don’t live up to my own standards which I now understand were totally impractical.

Today I break the programming that tells me I’m stupid, unattractive, or unworthy, and I instead strengthen myself through caring about myself and others with intention and purpose. This gives me the power to keep my head up in all circumstances, and from there, I can hope to evoke positive change for myself and others, even when I am feeling disenchanted.