Change of Plans

Boundaries have given me the flexibility to pivot without drama

I had every intention of going to church this morning. Not only was I going the give three offertory envelopes, as we are in the final week before Easter preparations, but I was going to light a candle for my father, whose soul crossed over this plane 2 years ago today.

I’ve been proud of my consistent attendance, happy to give a bit more alms this week, and grateful to participate in the Eucharist and light a candle on an important day for me. But as Life would have it, I seem to be fighting a small bug, and it impacted my sleep and ability to get up on time this morning.

So as I read from my Gospel reader, I was moved by the beautiful reading and meditation. The verse is from John 13.35, “All will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another”, and the reflection is praying for inspiration and positivity. I saw that I aspire to embody those traits all days, not just on Sunday mornings, and that helped me feel better.

I realized that I participate in this teaching by taking care of myself, by holding compassionate space for others, and by being kind to those closest to me. While I want to be the “perfect Catholic”, it’s in moments like these where I can see my growth as a healed person who no longer needs to beat myself up for missing goals. I saw that I am no longer as worried about what other people might be thinking. Today I can trust that my higher power will look out for me.

When I was given this reader over ten years ago, I never could have foreseen that my father would pass away and that the reading on his anniversary would encourage everything I have been steadily working toward, and in many ways, greatly succeeding in.

I’m reminded of the preciousness of life, and how important it is for me to live in my values, which today are so much different than they were before the pandemic. While I might not always present myself the way I would like, I am grateful that God has changed my heart to one of flesh, so that I can more easily remember where I am going.

Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay